another christmass around

another christmass is around. but this time I am far from home, in the land of christmass trees and gifts!!! you can smell it from the weather, from the earth, every where.
But why I can not enjoy it as I want to? what happened to me? am I growing up? I don't want to be an adult if this is what I suppose to be! I hate my self.
where is that energetic girl who can laugh whenever she want? I miss her. I lost her. hope she return back when I return back home.
sometimes afraid of never see her again. what if she is really gone? like that little frog who left Zizi's heart to show him that he grow up. I don't want to grow up. I don't want to.....

I want love

I want love, not a normal love. some thing special. something touch my ... my.... I don't know but touch my feeling..... touch my heart but not desire..... something different...